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RotRR: Episode 5

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As Raphoon and Leonidas bicker in the plastic box while Roxanoid sleeps and Nintendo stares at the nutcracker...

Leonidas) ORIGIN STORY TIME!

Raphoon) ATTENTION!

Leonidas) Ever since I can remember… *Visual changes to a woman in a hospital holding a baby-sized version of Leonidas’s full form.* ...I’ve always been a fighter.

Raphoon) ...

( Ninjas invade the hospital in the visual while baby Leonidas is in a fighting stance. )

Val) *Somehow in the visual.* How am I in your origin story?!

Leonidas) ...DON’T QUESTION AWESOMENESS.

Val) ...ok?

Leonidas) It was like genetic engineering or whatever...I didn’t pay attention to social studies

Roxanoid) *Still sleeping* ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…...

Raphoon) ATTENTION!

Leonidas) ...I was a normal baby for 30 seconds.

Val) … *Disappears from the visual, which later ends.*

Leonidas) ...then ninjas stole my mama.

Raphoon) Know what… *Uses mind to lift Leonidas into the air*

Leonidas) *Sobs hysterically, then stops.*

Raphoon) ATTENTION!

Leonidas) ...then Val saw my awesome, took me in...and I was suckled on the sweet milk of justice.

Val) Um...ew…

Leonidas) GET OUT! *Val’s voice disappears.*

Raphoon) JUST STOP! *Slams Leonidas onto Roxanoid*

Roxanoid) *Wakes up* WOAH WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?

Leonidas) *Rubs head and looks at Raphoon.* You’re a good listener. I like you.

Raphoon) Attention, sweetheart, listen to us! Raphoon’s sorry, Roxanoid, I had to wake you up.

Nintendo) So I guess none of you care that the baby’s missing?

Roxanoid) O_O THE BABY’S MISSING?!?!?!?

Leonidas) *Shakes head.* What the heck...what was I just saying?!

Raphoon) ATTENTION, I NEED ATTENTION AND EVERYONE BE QUIET! *Waits a few seconds* Alright, now let us out!

Leonidas) Problem is, the box is taped shut.

Nintendo) Can you guys just help me find the baby?

Leonidas) ...with DUCT TAPE!

Raphoon) Roxanoid and I are stuck with this idiot then, Nintendo, we’ll help if you let us out!

Nintendo) I was just about to say the same thing.

( Nintendo goes and grabs scissors and opens the box )

Nintendo) There you go! :D

Leonidas) Wait. So you think I’m an idiot too?!

Raphoon) FINALLY! *Floats out of the box*

Leonidas) *Flies out of the box.* GUYS! WE GOTTA FIND THAT BABY! STAT!

Val) *Enters the room.* Can you BELIEVE I forgot my wallet?! I wonder- *Sees that Raphoon, Leonidas, and Roxanoid escaped.* Wait, what?! *Sees Nintendo with the scissors and the open plastic box.* …

Nintendo) ._.

Raphoon) GET HIM! *Uses mind on self and throws self at Val*

Val) *Dodges and lets Raphoon hit the wall.* And Leo, why was I seeing a visual of you in the arms of a woman lying on a hospital bed surrounded by ninjas…

Raphoon) *Stuck on wall* HEEEEEEEELP!

Leonidas) ...um...well...I…

Val) ...origin story?

Leonidas) ._.

Val) ...I should have known. *Carefully pulls Raphoon out of the wall with tweezers and quickly tosses him into the box.* Nintendo, help me put these idiots back in the box before they trash the whole place up again…

Nintendo) We can’t, Val.

Val) How come?!

( Raphoon floats out of the box )

Nintendo) Because the baby’s missing.

Val) ...the baby? What baby?

Leonidas) ._.

Val) OH SHOOT. Wait, weren’t YOU babysitting him?

Leonidas) Oh jeez-

Nintendo) We ALL were! I left him in the crib and then BOOM! He vanished!

Val) ...I got this. *Takes out a metal detector from a closet.*

Leonidas) What the-

Val) I use this in case Leonidas hides my stuff...which is always conveniently made of metal.

Leonidas) How is a metal detector going to help us-

( The front door opens )

Val) HEY! *Brandishes the detector like a weapon.* Who’s breaking and entering?!

Aaron) I’m baaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack with lipstick on my cheek!

Val) *Tosses the metal detector into the wall.* Where did-

( The metal detector hits a picture on the wall; an entrance suddenly appears next to the picture. )

Val) What the-?!

Nintendo) lolwut?

Leonidas) Sweet! :O

Aaron) *Lifts sunglasses up* Wow...

Val) ...so uh...who wants to go in first?

Aaron) Raphoon can…My looks aren’t going to be ruined.

Leonidas) In that case-

Val) *Shoves Aaron into the entrance really hard.*

Leonidas) :O I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!

( Aaron tries crawling out )

Val) *Pushes Aaron in again.* C’mon, guys. Follow lover-boy over here.

Aaron) No, Val, ladies first.

Val) Yeah, which is you.

Nintendo) AND OF COURSE I’M POSSESSING THE LADY! -_-

Leonidas) Dayum girl-

Val) *Punches Leonidas.*

Leonidas) AGH! *Flies into Aaron.*

Aaron) *Hit in the side of his face* OW! o.e

Nintendo) Looks like I’m going in first. -_-

( Nintendo walks in until he’s out of view, then his echo is heard )

Nintendo) Guys, there’s just a toilet in here! Nothing else!

Aaron) *Rubbing side of face* There better not be any marks...What are we even looking for?!

Val) ...I think it’s Leonidas’s secret bathroom.

Leonidas) IT EXISTS! :O

Val) … *Facepalm.*

Aaron) So we were looking for Leonidas’ secret bathroom...Listen, I have the baby in the front seat of my car...I just came back to say everythings going alright. Anyways, where’s Raphoon? I came to get him too.

Nintendo) Raphoon’s in the- Wait. THE BABY’S IN THE CAR?!? O_O

Aaron) Yeah…

Nintendo) BUT THE BABY DISAPPEARED BEFORE YOU CAME BACK, BUT AFTER YOU LEFT!

Aaron) Do I really need to explain?

Nintendo) Yes. Yes you do.

( Raphoon flies into Val’s back, sharp blades and all )

Val) Wait. YOU LEFT THE BABY IN THE CAR ON A HOT SUMMER DAY?!

Leonidas) DOH! I AM SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!

Aaron) Nintendo, you’ve been in my car...I always have the windows down, besides my girlfriend is waiting in the car…I found the baby on the parking lot after we stopped kissing and I was going to come in with him, but she wanted to see him, so yeah.

Nintendo) But the door was locked, and so were all the windows…

Aaron) Ugh...I don’t have time for this, Nintendo, I don’t have time for this. My girlfriend’s waiting...You obviously didn’t lock everything in time.

Val) ...can we just get the baby, or what?

Nintendo) ._. Val…

Val) What?!

Nintendo) ...The baby’s on your head…

Baby) *Generic baby noises*

Raphoon) *Stuck on Val’s back and screams loudly* ATTENTION!

Val) OW! *Looks in the mirror and sees Raphoon on his back.* ...get him off me!

Leonidas) I GOT THIS. *Tries to pull Raphoon out but fails.*

Aaron) Got any tweezers?

Val) *Holds a pair up.*

Aaron) Alright, *Takes the tweezers* turn around.

Leonidas) WAIT! *Takes the tweezers.* ...I got this.

Val) The last time you said that, you broke my shades…

Leonidas) IT WAS RAPHOON! *Pulls Raphoon out and tosses him into a wall with the tweezers.*

( Raphoon falls out due to the tweezer’s weight, pulling a portion of the wall out and landing on a couch )

Aaron) Well anyways, I got to go! *Gets out of the entrance leading to the toilet, walks past V, and leaves without Raphoon*

Val) ...well that explains all but one thing…

Leonidas) What?

Val) ...I STILL don’t know who put Halo 4 in the Wii U…

Aaron) *Runs back in* NINTENDO, I GOT THE BABY! *Hands V a baby doll, picks up Raphoon by the tweezers, and leaves*

Val) ...this is a doll.

Leonidas) But at least he took Raphoon with him…

Nintendo) Val, the baby’s still on your head. .-.

Val) Wait, wha?!

( The scene finally pans over above V’s head for once )

Leonidas) *Floats up to the baby and gives it a rattle.*

Baby) *Hits Val on the head with it.*

Val) OW! >.<’

Will Nintendo ever find out how the baby left its crib? Will he ever find out where the nutcracker came from? Wait, where WAS the nutcracker in this episode? And will the baby EVER stop hitting Val on the head with the rattle?!

And will Leonidas ever get Halo 5? If Val gets an Xbox One he will…

All of these may NOT be answered in the next episode!

RotRR: Episode 5 was...?
 
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The poll was created at 03:00 on August 2, 2014, and so far 2 people voted.

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